


Sad Story

by fanfiction_swinger



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Drug Abuse, Drug Use, Intrusive Thoughts, Just wanted to write angst so it's a mess, Kuroo's family kind of an asshole here, Kuroo-centric, M/M, Slight Violence for fighting, Ugh, Unrequited Love, based of the song sad story (out of luck), i had so much plans but the angst side wins, i think gonna have a trigger warning just in case, it's supposed to be his birthday frick, just wanted to write this short my mind's a mess and sad bcs i thought of kuroo, kinda nasty... maybe?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:14:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27593269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanfiction_swinger/pseuds/fanfiction_swinger
Summary: Now he don't talk too muchHe's probably given upI think he's had enough'Cause he ran out of luck---An exploration of Kuroo's family based off the song Sad Story (Out of Luck) by Merk & Kremont. Just my excuse to write angst.
Relationships: One-sided Kuroo Tetsurou/Bokuto Koutarou, One-sided Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, one-sided Kuroo Tetsurou/Kozume Kenma
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31





	Sad Story

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry Kuroo, this is supposed to be your birthday and yet- YwY I have so many fics lined up and really wanted to make so many fanarts for you I'm so sorry, ily bby. But yep, title and summary basically says it all. I feel like I only have two mood, pervert and angst, wut. But anyways, I'm just feeling down 'cause mini comics of haikyuu seems to have little love for kuroo, and them that have are on language i can't understand so :)))))) somehow my coping mechanism is to make him utterly miserable anyway.
> 
> i did wanted to make a fic based off this song though, (especially now that he has a sister, it can fit perfectly!!), but i didn't plan it to be this kinda impromptu and jumbled up mess. honestly, i'm pretty sure this makes little to no sense because i think my brain is fried right now and i can only thing of angst angst angst angst and just wanting a sad kuroo but bcs i like to victimize things like that, i kinda want to make him feel helpless and ended up making him of some sort of 'victim' so- little to no plot and not even bothering to write other characters and having them any effort on helping him. Ugh, most likely gonna rewrite it when i'm in the mood bcs i planned for two endings when i was in a good mood and kinda wanted to make this canonverse. hopefully.
> 
> TW: signs of depression, intrusive thoughts, drug abuse
> 
> and i swear please don't lash out at me on any bad depictions of stuffs bcs i'm not in the mood of researching and, as i said, just wanna write miserable kuroo :((((( i'm sorry

He was three when his mother started doing the white powder. Snorting some of it and looking at him through dead eyes. She extended her arm, as if offering him the white powder. His father came into view and slapped the hand away. Her sister pulled him away into another room as his father’s yells filled the house.

He learned now that the white powder was heroin.

***

He was five when they were all wearing black and everyone is crying. He remembered seeing his mother gasping for short breaths, clawing on her throat as if she’s choking, seeing the wide eyes looking and staring at him, pleading.

He panicked, wanted to cry, but he desperately clinging to the last bit of logic and frantically dialled his father’s phone number. “In case of emergency.” His father had said. And somewhere in his mind, it’s blaring emergency.

He didn’t remember anything after his father’s “Hello?”, but he remembered the strangers coming in, it was chaos, the people dragging his mother away. Someone tried to lift him up but he backed away, scary scary scary scary scaryscaryscaryscaryscary.

He didn’t move from his spot near the phone still. One of the people that came in didn’t leave and sit with him on the other side of the room. Only until his father came did he finally cried.

His mom died that night.

And the funeral was held two days after. Not much people came, his mother has lost contact with her friends and they did not have much relatives to begin with.

He couldn’t cry.

***

He was seven when his sister is in high school and wanted to live alone. His father let her. Occasionally sending her money if she needed it, but mostly relying on her part-time job. They kept contact still, but his sister was mostly on his own world, really.

His father is mostly at work, would come home late at night or didn’t come back at all. Worse, he would usually stay out for days without telling anybody. His grandmother and grandfather didn’t seem to mind so he let it be. They let him be too, not really bothering on interacting with him. It seemed like it didn’t matter to them if he’s there or not.

He didn’t mind it.

***

It was eight when they moved to another prefecture. His father moved to the main office, a promotion. Money wasn’t really a problem in their family. Her sister further away, but it’s not like he was close to her anyway. The house wasn’t as large as before, just enough for the four of them. But it’s still too large for Kuroo to not feel lonely anyway.

His father took him to introduce to the neighbour because “There’s a boy of your age, Kuroo. I’m sure you can play with him.”

He’s unsure if he wanted to meet any new people.

But the boy was smaller than him (and Kuroo was smaller than his peers then), he felt less intimidated. But the sharp eyes still scared Kuroo somehow. In the end, they played together in Kenma’s room.

For days they simply played the games Kenma had until he asked Kuroo if Kuroo wanted to play something else and Kuroo had ran to his house and showed him the volleyball he bought from his New Year’s money. Kenma had give him an unpleasant look and for a split second Kuroo wanted to take it back but Kenma stood and followed him anyway.

In the end, Kenma did play with him.

***

It was middle school when he realized he had feeling for Kenma. But Kuroo bottled up and swallowed those feelings deep inside because boys didn’t just fall for boys and he’s sure Kenma would find it disgusting and he’s not risking their friendship for his petty feelings.

When Kenma wanted to quit volleyball, he can’t help but ask Kenma to reconsider and might have let out a bit too much of his feelings. He was afraid Kenma would catch on because Kenma was sharp like that but he said nothing and Kuroo was glad Kenma stayed.

***

He met Bokuto on his senior high school.

The man was a sunshine.

If Kenma was the star to his life, silent, sharp and small, enough to make you not feel alone but not to overwhelm him, Bokuto was his sun, blinding and happy, dumb, but a loveable one, really. Kuroo seemed to be pulled to his wavelength when he’s with Bokuto.

Kuroo felt love the second time in his life.

And by second year, it was crushed before it even tried to blossom because Kuroo can _see_ the way Bokuto looked at Akaashi and how he was Bokuto’s whole world.

Kuroo knew he can never be that for Boktuo.

_Unloveable_.

***

In his third year, Kuroo experienced heartbreak the second time at the time he found Kenma in Miyagi, having a one-sided conversation with an orange-haired boy, as in the boy seemed to be all excited and doing all the talking and even if Kenma looking uninterested, his eyes said everything.

Kuroo bit his lips before calling out at him.

He didn’t miss the lingering look Kenma gave the boy.

_Pathtetic. Even Kenma can find someone he loves, huh? While you keep on desiring for too high._

***

It was in training camp that he felt interest in the blond boy, all salty and intimidating in façade but really, despite his actions, he practiced hard anyway, and had this spirit that, even if the boy would deny it, fought ‘til the very last end. The love bloomed slowly in this one. Gradually, like a moon phase going from total darkness to full moon.

Tsukki was beautiful and his glow soft, seemingly masked with his usual saltiness. And Kuroo was drawn to that glow.

But he was snapped to reality by the freckled boy. All smiles and cheerfulness, and how Tsukki’s softens by a tiny little bit at him. He’s glad he didn’t let it stretch too far like Bokuto and Kenma.

It didn’t make the fall hurt less.

_Why do you even bother by this point? You’re broken, don’t you understand that? Don’t dream too high, the fall will hurt more. Your family doesn’t even care about you, what makes you think someone else will?_

***

The Nationals ended like a fleeting dream.

With it, so does Kuroo’s anchor to life.

As the Nationals passed, he wondered what he should do, what he’s going to do, what he can do.

_Die._

No.

_You’re nothing_.

I’m not.

_Can’t even win the Nationals._

The other teams are strong.

_Beaten by the crows that you always mocked._

I didn’t mock them, that was provocation.

_What will you even do from now on? It’s not like you have anything left._

I can always take chemistry.

_How long will you hold on?_

As long as I’m able to.

_You’re no longer wanted with the team done. Who’s waiting for you at home? Your family? Your father no longer comes home. Your sister never once contacts you. Your grandparents treat you like air_.

No-

_No one would even know if you disappeared._

“Kuroo!”

Kuroo blinked and looked at Yaku, staring at him worriedly.

_That was dangerous. I never answered that voice before so… why now?_

He put up his trademark smirk. “What, little Yaku worrying about me? Might as well worry if you’re going to grow in height for the next few years.”

Yaku huffs angrily and stomped Kuroo’s foot, Kuroo yelping in pain, Yaku’s reply already lost as his mind wandered somewhere else.

***

He was 19 when he was offered a smack in a bar.

He looked at the man lining up the white powder and memories hit him instantly. He ran out of the bar and retches at a roadside planter box. Heaving, he brings himself home, not bothering to dial up any of his friends he went to the bar with.

His apartment is empty, now that he’s living alone, away from his grandparents and father.

He didn’t bother turning on the lights, changing to fresh clothes and letting the dirtied ones scatter around his room, he headed for his bed and wrapped himself on the blanket.

_Why continue to torture yourself so?_

Shut up.

_We both know what you actually wanted._

Shut up shut up.

_You have no one anyways._

Shut-

_Kenma is living with Hinata now. Bokuto with Akaashi, they both practically married, and that junior you oh so loved never even bothered to contact you even once. You’re alone._

_No one could ever love you._

_Who could ever love a boy that let his mother died in front of him?_

_Open your eyes already, no one wanted you._

I don’t need people to want me.

_But you’re lonely aren’t you?_

I’m not.

_Such a poor, little boy. How long are you going to hold on, really. At this point, you’re just pathetic, clinging on to feeble lies._

I’m not lying.

_Are you really not, now?_

Kuroo didn’t answer anymore.

***

In the end, he’s no different with his mother, drowning himself in the brief reprieve and freedom the white powder provided. He felt closest with his mother then, remembering the times when she still had a warm smile, her touch soft and embracing him to his chest when he was little.

***

He was 20 when his sister showed up at his door.

He was a mess, going to college when he felt like it (and he mostly didn’t feel like it anyway), no longer bothering to check his phone. Kenma or Bokuto sometimes stop by, with Akaashi and Hinata, worried still, but Kuroo just grinned and say “It’s fine, just a bad day.” And they didn’t push. A part of Kuroo wanted them to push. But another part of him was disgusted by his attention-seeking thoughts.

His sister took him to a night’s out in the bar, catching up on things. Mostly about her and her latest ex-boyfriend on how he’s a creep and that he’s grown to a fine, young man, but really, “You should’ve taken better care of yourself or else you’re not going to get any partner.”

Kuroo didn’t care. Not once did his sister asked how he’s doing and a part of him resented that.

They were interrupted by her ‘latest ex-boyfriend’ though, the man violent and seemingly unstable, a knife on his hand. The man lunged forward at him and he panicked, adrenaline kicking him. He’s unsure what happened, he felt pain on his palm, on his fist, things were a blur until the man seemed unstable on his feet and he slipped backwards, head banging against the table and onto a beer bottle below.

Kuroo stood, frozen in place. He looked around and the people are watching the scene unravelling, some with hands over their open mouth and others on their phone camera. His heart sank as he stared at the bloodied body in front of him. The staffs are quick to usher the people out and dialled 911.

***

He was taken to the police office, interrogated and inspected. In the end, he was freed for self-defence but was moved to the rehab centre instead, declared as an addict.

***

_Ah, what are you gonna do now. Coward. Can’t even take your own life. And now you’re locked up and watched 24/7 like some kind of animal. Pathetic, really._

***

He wonders what did he do in his past life, if there’s any, that he deserves such punishment. It feels like his whole life was just one big fucking joke. He wonders what would happen if he had listened to the voice before. Really, how can it be worse than it is now?

A murderer.

A drug addict.

He doesn’t want to think anymore. He doesn’t want to do anything anymore.

He is wheeled to the communal area where they told him that his friends have come to visit him. Placed in one of the tables, his mind registered nothing as the voices faded into background sounds, faces jumbled into a garbled mess.

He finds himself staring at the blank TV, not a single care in the world.

**Author's Note:**

> The song is just plain sad okay, and I take the ending from the MV... sort of. I did intend to write it as a story when I have yet fell into this fandom (bcs I always take inspirations from song, I'm unoriginal like that :p) but never really got around to it so. Eh. Have this for now.
> 
> Kudos and comments are appreciated but really, this is a jumbled mess, I'm pretty sure I don't even want to read it once again myself (bcs I basically cringe at my own writings and I know it's just _that_ bad but I'm sad and it's because of Kuroo so, **shoves angst on Kuroo's life bcs I can and I will**.
> 
> Honestly I really want to finish my Among Us fic bcs I've finished the art and I'm so (kinda) proud of it!! Ugh, I'm rambling by this point k bye. Hopefully I'll come back with a better build for this fic ugh.


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